As some of you know, I was in Mexico last week to celebrate my oldest son’s wedding. See my blog for the story. At any rate, it was magical. Colin was able to join us from Chile and Hannah snuck away from her internship at NAU to join the posse from Vermont for 5 days of memory making madness.

For more details on the wedding itself, visit my blog.

People have asked me for years whether or not I really USE the program I teach. I have always been completely honest when I answer. And the answer is ABSOLUTELY. Do I look like an idiot? I will say it again, lest you missed it the first 1000 times I said it – I can not be trusted. I am a true dictator at heart and left to my own devices I would have demolished the relationship I have with my kids. Thankfully – THANKFULLY, I found Adler and was able to create a powerful and effective program to sustain me through the parenting journey.

One of the cornerstones of our family is the weekly Family Meeting. It was easy enough to introduce family meetings to my kids when they were young. They loved hearing nice things (appreciations) people in the family had to say about them each week and they LOVED getting their money. It was fairly easy to introduce (weekly contributions) as each of them was invited to participate in their lives when they were still wobbly on their feet. It hadn’t occurred to any of them that this was anything but normal in every family. Over time we developed a simple system for doling out contributions which continued to work as our family grew and changed. Problem Solving saved us on more than one occasion. The kids became quick problem identifiers and master problem solvers. Before long we were solving local and global problems as we ran out of our own to solve. Oh, from time to time something came up that required a bit of parent guidance, but not often. But by and large, the kids were equipped to deal with just about any problem they encountered.

Family Meetings evolved just as we did. Appreciations became the cornerstone of each meeting. Contributions gave way to schedules and problem solving gave way to planning (vacations, college, etc.). Money became completely irrelevant as each child found some form of employment long before they turned 12.

At times, it was easy to take for granted the power of the Family Meetings. We seemed to be a family that didn’t really require them as we had a routine that hummed along for months at a time with not so much as a bump in the road. But because I teach, and because deep inside, I understood that the regular Family Meeting was at the heart of our healthy and extremely close family, we kept with it. The kids grumbled from time to time, but for the most part, they were eager and willing participants.

Before we left for Mexico, we had a Family Meeting via Skype. We conducted it as if we were all in the living room together. We shared appreciations, talked about our expectations while in Mexico, what our hopes were for the trip and how we could support each other during this adventure. The meeting lasted well over an hour (yes, I know I broke my own 15 minute rule, but hey – we have been practicing for a long time) and not one of the kids seemed interested in adjourning.

As a result of the Family Meetings, we arrived in Mexico feeling connected, understood, supportive and ready to have some fun. We had 4 amazing days.

Late into the evening on our final day, we gathered for the last time. We sat quietly, settled into ourselves and began with appreciations. Around the room we went, crying and laughing simultaneously. I can’t begin to tell you how touching the experience was. To witness the love shared by 5 teenagers for each other and for their parents goes beyond anything I could describe in words.

But what made this particular Family Meeting so powerful, was that after the 7 of us finished, we were joined by my son Michael, his new wife Brie and 2 of their dear friends, Gant and Lucy. The 7 of us began to share appreciations with the bride and groom and what followed was truly magical. Within minutes our 4 guests were giving their own appreciations – to us. Can you imagine. Around the room we went, moonlight flickering off the Pacific Ocean, as we shared the love in our hearts for each other.

In every class I have ever taught, when we reach the point in the program where I begin talking about Family Meetings, I begin the same way

“This is the most powerful tool you have at your disposal. It will shape the very fabric of your family. It is one of the easiest and most efficient parenting strategies you have in your tool kit. It will take the least time to implement and yield the biggest benefits. It will carry you through good times and bad and it will be as reliable as the fact that your family will change each and every week in some way – big or small. And yet, it will be the last thing you implement and the first thing you drop. And when that happens, everything else, all the other amazing strategies the program promises, will be compromised. Until finally, out of frustration, you will return to your old way of parenting. And your frustration and disappointment will be even deeper. Because for one short moment, you recognized what was possible. And the Family Meeting, well, it was just to awkward to try, and so you put it aside.”

Before another day goes by, ask yourself:

• Is having children who develop deep and lasting love and respect for each other and for their parents important to me?
• Is having children who contribute on a regular basis without complaint important to me? Is having children master the art of problem solving important to me?
• Is having children who develop a healthy relationship with money important to me?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then there is only one thing left to do. Put the Family Meeting back on the calendar.

With love,
Vicki, Iain, Hannah, Colin, Zoe, Kiera, Brady, Michael and Brie

For more information about the technical side of Family Meetings, check out our audio pack!