Comments on: Week Three:Take Time for Training

By: Vicki

Vicki — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:52:06 +0000

You are so very welcome.

By: Debby

Debby — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:39:08 +0000

Yes, yes, thank you, very helpful! “Permission” to clean up is great! All the other stuff is constantly in the works. Being able to keep my house comfortable for myself will put me in a better place emotionally, to be patient and kind and encouraging, instead of frustrated and angry. Creative instead of desperate. Thank you!

By: Vicki

Vicki — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:30:05 +0000

Hi,

I know, it’s frustrating isn’t it. Problem is, kids don’t really care all that much about cleaning up. That’s the way it’s suppose to be for a bit.

The point of this is to understand that although you can identify now what the kids can do, etc., no real plan for how to train, when to train and what to train has ever been developed. Have you sat down and written what skill you will teach first, when you will teach it and how you will teach it? If not, do that now. If you have, then think of the ways that you will move beyond just the teaching. Will you make agreements about when the “chores” will be done. Will you connect them to P & R’s. Will you pass out the chores at Family Meeting. How will you use “as soon as” to help bring them back to task. What are you willing to do if things aren’t picked up and agreements are broken.

Training kids to hang up a coat is the easy part. Having it become a way of “being” takes much more time. So you could do anything you like. Pick up after the kids so the house doesn’t drive you crazy AND keep thinking about HOW you will make “picking up” part of their every day life so it becomes a habit.

Let me know if this was helpful or if you need me to say more.

By: Debby

Debby — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:22:20 +0000

I am trying not to remind or direct toward household chores, or to point out pieces of jobs only partially done, or to complete them myself after the fact. Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Everything is a mess, it’s basically mini-DNSN. I really don’t want to live like this for weeks or months on end. I am trying to use teaching, non-directive questions and “as soon as” to get some of the work done, but am getting very impatient.

By: JenniferNault

JenniferNault — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 13:12:38 +0000

For anyone who missed the show last night- we are parentontrack on twitter. Let us know if you have any more questions or trouble finding us.
Thank you!!

By: Lori S.

Lori S. — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 01:43:06 +0000

I’m finding that in our house the key thing is to find the motivating factor for each child.
During do nothing say nothing week, one of the things I noticed was that my 2 older kids know how to eat healthily, but if I am not monitoring what they eat, they will just eat empty carbs. So after that week we made a privileges and responsibilities chart — Responsibility: eat 5 servings of fruit & veg a day. Privilege: have a treat after dinner. My daughter has been going like gangbusters eating 7 servings some days and measuring her food at dinner time to see how many servings she has, all to get that treat after dinner! My son, on the other hand, has no interest and hasn’t even tried to earn a treat. When I asked him why he’s not trying he said he doesn’t care about earning a treat, he only wants more TV time (which I’m not willing to give). This woke me up to the fact that the motivator really has to be meaningful to the child.

By: Week Three – Timeline for Training « Practice And Patience

Week Three – Timeline for Training « Practice And Patience — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:43:08 +0000

[...] http://www.parentingontrack.com/mom-tv/training/#more-4326 . Click and read – good stuff. [...]

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:58:28 +0000

Still need help tweeting! How do we find you on twitter? I searched #parentingontrack, and #vickihoefle, and #parentingot, but no luck. Can you advise us tonight? Thanks.

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 20:42:54 +0000

Hi,
Me again. Now I’ll answer this week’s specific homework question about how do I train my kids without reverting to my old interfering discipline strategies:

• Prioritize!
• Ask them what they want to learn to do and start with these
• Make my own list of other things I need to teach them and share with tom
• Find strategies to make it fun; e.g. playdate with friend to teach them how to xyz
• Carve out time each day/week to train; eg time with ben after she goes to bed, training over breakfast
• Highlight skills their peers already know to incent them
• Assign some areas to Dad!
• Enlist Ben my 6 yo son to help train Jenna
• Ask babysitter to help with some tasks for which they resist training from me; e.g. nail cutting
• Make some tasks a competition btwn son and daughter, e.g. who can get their shoes, hat & coat on first? A bad idea?
• Find age appropriate books for both (eg potty training, manners)

Definitely need help in this area!
Betsy

By: Betsy

Betsy — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 20:38:20 +0000

This exercise make me painfully aware that there are not many skills for either of my children (6yo & 2 yo)` in the first category, only a few in the second category for my 6yo, and virtually none for my 2yo. Yes, the clock is ticking and I need to empower my 6 yo with more skills I need to raise my expectations for my 2yo. But I definitely need to prioritize because it’s a long list. I shouldn’t shy away from asking others to help, e.g. Ben’s teacher, babysitters, mothers helper, aunt. It dawned on me that many areas of character training are important but non-urgent (e.g. explaining the virtues of honesty, integrity), so we often back-burner them to address the more urgent matters like mealtime prep and clean-up. Perhaps if I could train the kids to help with the daily chores I would have more time and energy to focus on long term character building.

Kids are naturally inquisitive and instinctively want to learn to do things, as evidenced by my two year old constantly saying “Why?” and “Me do it!” She also really loves to “help Mommy” with household chores, albeit with a very short attention span. It struck me that my 6 year old doesn’t say these things anymore, and has very little desire to help with household chores. How do I light the fire of his perhaps buried Inquisitive nature, and how do I motivate him to help with the family chores. At 6 years old, he seems to waver between a desire to be babied (i.e. asking me to do simple things for him) and a desire to be independent, largely tied to how tired he is feeling.

My husband and I feel strongly about teaching our children to develop a strong work ethic, yet we definitely lean toward doing things for them, rather than teaching them how to do it themselves. I guess it’s time to make some changes.

See you tonight,
Betsy