Vicki

I have only been thinking about this for the last half hour or so, but doing so has been POWERFUL to show me what I am not doing as a parent and how that is manifesting itself in my kids beliefs about themselves.

Connection:
with K - give full attention when she is playing her instrument, as if I am at a concert. Offer to help her study for tests, and DON’T multi-task while we are doing it. Most important with K, as she is an attention child.
with D - get involved when he is playing with the baby. Ask him to propose an activity that he would like to do one-on-one with me (we currently avoid one-on-one time together because we really don’t like each other very much!)
with A - already have this one covered

Capable:
K - ask her to teach me how she gets the 2yo to get dressed. stop reminding
D - invite him to participate more often. stop reminding. ask Dad to stop interfering. stop putting him down and ask Dad to do the same. Very important, as he is a power child.
A - don’t offer help when he hasn’t asked for it. invite him to take on more responsibility for self-care.

Counts:
K - stop freaking out when she is careless, as that is when she demonstrates revenge through her “i don’t care” attitude.
D, K, A - tell them more often that I love them and I’m glad THEY are my kids and that my life wouldn’t be the same without them. be more affectionate.

Courage:
D, K - notice their strengths. NOTICE when they are solving problems for themselves and point it out to the kids and to my husband

Deep breath… this is a lot to take on! But I feel empowered by having done just this step. Can’t wait to get started!