It’s that time of year again. Room parent sign ups, volunteering requests, schedules for snacks, PTA elections. AHHHHH. It’s enough to make you want to hide for 12 years. I want to go on record right now as saying that I think schools hire professional recruiters to get parents to say YES, when they have no business saying yes to one more thing.

As parents we have become master jugglers. Family, work, afterschool activities, sports—you name it. Not to mention all of the extras: snack for girl scouts, fundraising for the soccer team, sewing costumes for the drama club . . . It’s never-ending! Feeling the stress of saying yes isn’t the only thing these small extras are costing families.

What’s the cost?

There is a lot of pressure from society today suggesting that “good parents” are involved in their children’s lives; that they say YES to every invitation from every committee, sport team or volunteer program. Here is my beef with the whole “get involved” thinking: Parents are trading activity for being emotionally available to their children. Let’s face it folks, we already know that as good as we are at juggling, eventually, we drop the balls and the first balls dropped are our relationships.

Look, if you are one of those parents who likes to be involved with your child’s school and activities—great! Have at it. Join the PTA, sign up to be Den Mother and bake into the wee hours of the night, if that makes you happy. But if you are beginning to suspect that the trade-off for being an Active Parent vs. an Emotionally Available Parent isn’t worth it, then look that recruiter in the eye, smile sweetly and say NO to their guilt-ridden request. Believe me, there is another sucker standing right behind you who can bake, sell or sew just as good as you.

One of the guiding principles of the Parenting On Track™ program is to “drop” what is not important, what gets in the way of our relationships, what taxes our resources in terms of time, energy and enjoyment and, instead, focus our energy on developing loving, healthy, respectful relationships. Relationships take time—lots of time and lots of energy. But, so do PTA meetings, and sometimes you have to choose.

Here is how I personally resolved this challenge: Don’t ever let anyone at the school see you. Be a mystery for 12 years. You will leave parents, teachers and school administrators curious and leave your children feeling ever so—dare I say—content. Do you know why? Because you are the calm, centered parent who has the resources to sit down and help your child through a difficult homework assignment, a difficult teacher/student relationship, a difficult decision they are struggling with. And because you are content and focused on the relationship, your children learn from you about the really important things in life: Being there for the people you love.

And who really cares if the school doesn’t approve of how you spend your time! Are they in your house each evening, listening in when you have the time to have deep, meaningful conversations with your children about what is going on in their lives and what is important to them, because you said no to the PTA and no to the brownies? I didn’t think so.