I recently read somewhere that today’s parents are, on the whole, guilty of hovering and acting obsessive, neurotic and all-consuming when it comes to their jobs as parents. I think that about sums it up.

The term used to describe this is “Overparenting,” and I think many parents would agree that they are guilty of this. When did it become popular for parenting to be a constant vigil of scrutinizing every detail of their children’s lives? It’s just crazy, if you ask me. So, what could one do if, say, he or she were guilty of this overparenting thing?

It’s easy: just back away. Ok, I think it’s easy, but I know that when you’ve inadvertently made your job as a parent stressful and demanding, it can be hard to just turn away. So, here is one place and one thing you can do to start the process of turning your children’s lives back over to them: Introduce—Problem Solving.

For those of you familiar with the Parenting On Track™ Program, you know all about Problem Solving and its place at the weekly Family Meeting. For those of you who don’t, here is a quick and dirty lesson (the long version can be found in Ch. 9 of the Parenting On Track™ Home Program).

Problem Solving is meant to be a tool for your children to use in learning how to become competent problem solvers, thus removing you (or your spouse) as a participant in their daily quarrels. If used regularly, Problem Solving will encourage your children to look for solutions, instead of fighting, and find the courage to follow through on agreements, instead of tattling or getting mad.

Here’s how it works:

1. Children have a problem; they write it on the board. (Key here is that they describe the problem in one sentence—no-name, no-blame. That one skill, in and of itself, is worth a six-figure income.)
2. At the meeting, one problem is picked and discussed, and then a solution agreed upon—by consensus. No majority rule here.
3. The solution is tried for one week, with a discussion on how it went at the following Family Meeting.

Easy! All that matters is that you are no longer the referee of your children’s fights. The children discuss all aspects of their problem; all the children help come up with solutions, participate in choosing one to try, and then agree to use it during the week. In the end, you will have given your children power over their lives and allowed them to figure out what works best for them.

It’s not too late. Start today by adding Problem Solving to your weekly Family Meeting, and you can let go of some of the stress and control you’ve felt you needed to exercise over your children’s lives. Won’t it feel great to know that as you let go of controlling your children, your children are learning self-control? That sounds like heaven to me!