Self Discipline vs. Parental Control
Now I knew that as I was raising children I would need a discipline strategy from time to time. You know those moments when you can feel the tension begin to rise and you know that you have to do something quickly before everything goes from bad to worse? In those moments I could either use strategies to control my kids or I could use them to help my kids develop self-discipline. So the second decision I made was that I WOULD use discipline strategies that would apply whether my kids were 3, 5, 7, 9 or 14 AND I would use them for what they are intended – to teach children about self-discipline.
Consider this:
- If you know that you won’t have any luck getting your 13 year old to stay in time out, why would you use that parenting strategy on a 3 year old?
- If you would be insulted to receive a sticker for setting the table at night, why would you institute a strategy that insults your child?
- If you’d stand up and quit when your boss employed the “1….2….3….” strategy to keep you in line, why use it on small children trying their best to navigate an ever changing world?
These strategies are not only ineffective, time-consuming and disrespectful they don’t offer any long-term benefits. Nothing really changes. I wasn’t about to waste my time on them.
It meant I would have to use discipline strategies that made sense, would grow with my kids, and most importantly, allowed my children an opportunity to develop self-discipline. A skill I believe every one of us employs countless times during our day.
Think about it. You aren’t planning to attend college with your child – unless of course you are a helicopter parent – and your child is not going to live with you in her late 20’s – unless of course you are a cockpit parent – so that leaves supporting your daughter (or son) as she develops, self-control, self-motivation, self-confidence, self-esteem and fostering her budding independence from the earliest of ages. This way she has loads of time to practice.
The Parenting On Track™ program re-purposes common parenting strategies to deal with the bumps we all encounter without returning to ineffective strategies that fracture the relationship we are building with the kids. Instead, these strategies help parents “move the action forward” so that the bump, does not become a mountain.
