Parenting for 18 – 80 vs. 0 – 18

Parenting is about what happens in the lives our kids between 18 and 80, not what happens behind closed doors when the kids are between 0 and 18. I knew that taking a long range view (with a long term approach) to parenting and preparing my children to leave home at 18 feeling confident and enthusiastic about what life had to offer and not just focusing on making life convenient and easy while the kids were young and living at home was the easiest decision of all.

I was under no misgivings that life for my children would get easier from 18 – 80. I know firsthand that life demands more from us with each passing year. Living a “good life” from 18 to 80 takes mental muscle, it takes preparation and years of practice. I knew that I was helping my children develop courage and mental muscle by allowing them to make mistakes, to fail, and to pick themselves up and try again – while they were still living in the house with me – so they could access those resources when they were out on their own.

And when my kids hit 18, I wanted them to look back at me and say,

“Thank you! Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trusting me, for teaching me, for allowing me to make mistakes and to learn from them. Thank you for holding me accountable and encouraging me to try new things. I’m ready. ”

I wanted them to jump into their lives as young adults with confidence and enthusiasm. I did not want my kids to look out over my threshold and think to themselves, “I have no idea what to do and I am scared to death.”

Raising kids who are ready to throw the doors open and walk into their life at 18 requires patience, practice, and a long-term approach to parenting. I was not going to be sidelined by the choices my children made at 6, 9, 11, or 16. I was going to use them to identify where my children were at that moment, where I knew I wanted them to be at 18 and what it was going to take to get there. That meant I needed practice and so did they.

At the very core of the Parenting On Track™ program, is an underlying current that helps parents “let go” without panicking and “show faith” that builds confidence in their children’s abilities. This current carries families to a destination designed by them; a place of peace and deep connection; a family that is defined by love, respect, trust and appreciation.

The truth is all of our children will experience change and transition into new experiences many times throughout the course of their lives. Some of those transitions will be seamless and others, not so much.

Remember to have confidence that your child can handle it, and show that confidence through Encouragement (Ch. 7 of the Parenting On Track™ Home Program) and the Crucial C’s (Ch. 6 of the Parenting On Track™ Home Program or learn more here). If you believe that your children will get through it, then your children will believe it too. And, that alone can help them meet challenges far beyond those first brief flights outside the nest.