Adequately represent the outside world vs. Saving, Punishing, Bribing, Lecturing

The fourth decision I made was to adequately represent to my children, what they could expect from the outside world if they behaved in certain ways. This decision is best described in an average trip to the grocery store with a small child. How many times have you looked at your child in the rear view mirror, before getting out of the car and said, in your ever so sweet, cooperate with mom voice, “I expect you to behave in the store.” And your child nods his wee little head with a conspiratorial smile from his lips. You head into the store and the whining begins or your child wants the candy at the counter and throws a full blow tantrum. Every well-meaning parent (at that moment) believes – for some unfathomable reason, that they can actually talk that child out of the tantrum, and so instead of one temper tantrum, before too long, both parent and child are deep in. Heartbreaking to witness but it happens a thousand times in the life of most parents.

Now, as a passer by walking upon a child having a tantrum, would I stop to join in? No.

Would I try and talk him out of it? No. I would think to myself – ‘oooh that guy is pissed’ – walk around him and move on. No attachment, no anxiety, no judgment, and no embarrassment about the outcome.

I decided that I would adequately represent to my kids what they could expect from other people should they behave in certain ways. I would not let them off the hook, I would not create special circumstances, and I would most certainly not buy into the cheap drama. I would stay calm, centered and respectful, and keep from becoming emotionally entangled in my children’s antics. Imagine how quickly your children will give up the tantrums, the clinging and all the other pesky behaviors when they realize you are not interested in participating in the cheap drama any longer.

And over time your kids will develop strategies that will work for them, for you, and for everyone else they are in relationship with; it is powerful stuff.

Throughout the Parenting On Track™ program, parents are introduced to both concepts and strategies that make “staying out of the cheap drama” possible and enjoyable.