Maid vs. Emotionally Available

I could either be the maid or I could remain emotionally available to my kids, but I couldn’t do both. So the third decision I made was to remain emotionally available to my kids. Here’s how it happened.

By the time I was 32, most of my friends already had children. I spent many an hour in kitchens observing the morning routine, the after school routine and sometimes the bedtime routines. I watched my friends running around waiting on their children – trying to cater to their needs and keep up with the jobs around the house. I guess if that’s what your idea of parenting is, who am I to argue, but what struck me was that the children seemed a bit ungrateful, even a bit entitled and the parents were definitely resentful, exhausted and emotionally drained. It became evident that my friends were more like maids than parents, and I decided right then and there, that I would do whatever it took to remain emotionally available to my kids, allow them to become self-sufficient and teach them how to contribute to the success of the family instead of spending my time as the maid, cook, and referee because it was easier and faster.

I wondered how I would be able to remain emotionally available for my children, if I was too tired to be there for them or myself. This was not a position I was willing to put myself or my children in, so I coined a phrase, “if they can walk, they can work” and from the time my kids were toddling around, I started teaching them the necessary self and life skills to become independent people. Just a little bit at a time (in bite sized chunks), so when they were in elementary school and wanted to chat about the ups and downs in their lives – I was all theirs. Before long, I could sense when something was “off” with one of my kids and I had the resources to respond to their emotional needs.

Frankly, I already knew how to clean a toilet, make my breakfast and be responsible for my stuff in the morning, so I didn’t find it necessary to continue to hone these skills. My job was to teach my kids the skills they would need throughout their lives and provide years of practice.

One entire Chapter in the Parenting On Track™ program is dedicated to helping parents develop a Timeline for Training. This timeline offers structure and framework for parents as they plot the course; a course that supports growth, practice and the natural learning curve that creates skill mastery.