“Getting” Kids to “Get Along” is a Total Waste of Time

Okay, so it sounds kind of harsh to say we’re wasting our time as parents, and it might even make a few of us defensive, right? You might think, “of course I have to teach my children to be nice to each other!” But “getting” the kids to get along isn’t a strategy – it’s a wish!

The question is, is the method for teaching kids to get along working? Do they actually CHANGE when we threaten, beg, lecture and blah, blah, blah. No of course not! We all do it, and many of us do it all the time! Sometimes we “get” them to get along with clever tactics, but otherwise, it’s just wasted verbiage that we throw at them. They don’t “learn” respect- they learn at which level mom actually “really means it this time” and how far dad will engage in the fight that’s taking place in the backseat. That’s about it. Seriously, if talking to our kids about being nice worked, the world would be full of siblings strolling down the sidewalk hand in hand. But the truth is, this tactic is wasted on children who don’t feel the intrinsic value of being nice to each other.

So, How DO I “Get” the Kids to “Get Along”?

• Acknowledge and accept that you cannot “Get” or “Make” your kids get along. They will have to decide for themselves that they want to get along.
• Change the question in your head from “How can I get my kids to get along” to “What will it take for my kids to get along?”
• STOP talking about getting along. Your kids are more than their fighting. By talking about it all the time, it takes center stage.
• Notice all the other things they are doing “right” and comment on the strengths (and the fighting will start to diminish).
• Model respectful, kind, friendly relationships and USE THE TONE OF VOICE you want to hear. If you bark at your kids and egg them on, guess what they’ll do? Drive you crazy barking at each other!
• Practice weekly Family Meetings as a way for your children to practice showing Appreciation for family members. This will change the dynamic and do the talking for you.

Learn more about the Parenting On Track™ Home Program and find out how to answer the question, “What will it take for my kids to get along?”