Pre-teen, adolescent, tweener—hearing these terms can instantly make a parent nervous with worry over how we will help our children navigate the stormy waters of adolescence. But, despite the unpredictable nature of adolescence, one Parenting On Track™ tool can help make all the difference: The Timeline for Training.

Training our children to take care of themselves and contribute to the family work is best when begun at the very youngest of ages. Last week we explored the expectations we could have for our children when they are ages 0 to 9 (see Parenting On Track™ article “Shades of Grey”). Hopefully, by the age of nine, most children have had the opportunity to master both self and life skills. Why? Because when your child is age 10 to 15, it is the worst time to begin the training process. Come on, you remember that age. Stop rolling your eyes and expecting YOUR teen to do something you never even thought of doing when you were their age.

Tweenerhood is the age where children are no longer so interested in the family and are shifting their focus onto who they are in the world. Their focus is on friendships, social skills and increasing their independence. And that is exactly what they are supposed to be focused on. If they have mastered self and life skills, they will be better prepared to face the social and emotional challenges that lie ahead for them.

So, what if your tweener has not mastered all of those self and life skills? What do you do then? It’s never too late to train your kids. In fact, children want to be constantly moving forward, pushing their boundaries. And when parents try to hold kids back, power struggles and demands for independence begin to escalate. Before long, a once great relationship between parent and child begins to fracture. And no parent wants that.

If you are experiencing challenges with your pre-teen, check your timeline. Maybe you are moving too slowly, or maybe you are not moving slowly enough. Regardless, your child’s behavior is telling you something, and it can only help to take the time to listen.

Life with tweeners can be interesting to say the least. For more information and links on making life with your tweener a little easier, go to http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/child/earlyadolescence.htm

You might also want to revisit a previous blog article, “A Guide to the Tweener Years.”