A lot of the parents I meet could be called “nervous” parents. They don’t want to see their children get hurt – but then, who does? They are the parents who are quick to say, “watch out for the …; please don’t, that’s dangerous; you might get hurt if you …” If you are one of these parents and you’re beginning to wonder if all this worrying is doing more harm than good, read on.

The one note of caution that I have is, don’t overdo it. While it is a parent’s natural tendency to be concerned about their children, there comes a time when letting go and allowing them to experience life on their own terms is critical. Yes – critical. If you don’t allow your children to begin making their own decisions on which risks they are willing to take, you are depriving them of one of the best experiences life has to offer – natural consequences.

Many parents are making this same mistake – they hover over their children, feeling like they need to impart their wisdom about what risks to take safely or they need to help their children learn how to play the “right” way. While it is developmentally helpful for you to play with your baby and toddler, once your child is three or four you should just leave them alone. Experts on the role of play in a child’s development say that:

“Child-driven play – not adult play … has the greatest benefits to children because it contributes to ‘cognitive, physical, social and emotional well-being’.”
(See Suttie article below)

Furthermore, child-driven play allows your children to learn the natural consequences for the risks they take and the choices they make.

Stepping back and allowing your child to experience the natural consequences of their actions can be difficult, and that is why Parenting On Track has an audio on Natural Consequences available for download on our website. This information packed audio will give you further insight into why natural consequences are important and how best to use them with your children.

Letting go and allowing your children to play uninstructed by you (in a reasonably safe environment, of course… no one’s advocating sending them off to play in quicksand or out in the middle of the highway) may mean a few more bumps and bruises, so you might want to buy some extra band-aids. But think about the freedom your children will get to experience, and the self-reliance and self-expression they will develop because of that freedom.

For more information on child-directed play and why it’s so important read:

“Confessions of an Anxious Parent” by Jill Sutie

New York Times Magazine “Taking Play Seriously” By Robin Marantz Henig Published: February 17, 2008
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