What’s New
Yes, the Parenting On Track™ program is grounded in Science. Not only is it based on the theories of Alfred Adler, from over 100 years ago, but scientific research and associated evidence, keeps piling in.
One of our all time favorite mom bloggers, who is completely committed to and passionate about her family, just posted some more — evidence. Please visit her blog for your daily dose of anecdotal inspiration, as well.
This post is for anyone who still thinks that what’s best for our kids is to protect and rescue them from all sadness, struggle, and failure. I’m happy to report, the evidence is in!
A little adversity goes a long way
U. BUFFALO (US) — New research adds credence to the adage ‘whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,’ a well-known saying, that until now has had little scientific evidence to support it.
A national multi-year longitudinal study of the effects of adverse life events on mental health has found that adverse experiences really do in fact appear to foster subsequent adaptability and resilience, with resulting advantages for mental health and well being.
Details will be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology…
The team also found that … people with a history of some lifetime adversity appeared less negatively affected by recent adverse events than other individuals … the evidence is consistent with the proposition that in moderation, experiencing lifetime adversity can contribute to the development of resilience. … [via futurity.org]
So next time you feel the guilt of not rescuing your child, and strangers give you that “aren’t-you-going-to-do-something” look, remember that science has your back!
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One of the reasons I so enjoy this video is because this young man is addressing High School kids. Most people I know feel awkward and nervous when addressing teenagers.
They are so accustomed to the idea that teens are
- Hard to reach
- Disrespectful
- Self Centered
- Uninterested
- Cold-Hearted
- Cruel
- Disconnected
- Immature
- Sassy
This limiting belief in turn, limits the amount of interaction and conversation whenever possible.
In this video, it is clear, that this young man is connecting deeply with these kids. He isn’t afraid of them. He can’t afford to be afraid! If he was, he would still be in bed wondering why he was born with no arms and no legs.
Instead, he invites these young people into his life. He uses his sense of humor and the confidence he has developed over a lifetime of dealing with daily challenges, to connect to a group of individuals who will do more for creating a culture of acceptance and inclusion, than an audience of middle aged, teary-eyed, soft-hearted adults (who, will forget all about this kid in an hour when their lives take center stage again).
It’s not just this young man’s story that is inspiring, but his willingness to “invest”, yes invest, in the younger generation. I suspect, that this one assembly will leave a deeper imprint in the lives of the teenagers, than anything else they attended during their high school experience.
And I suspect that all the “talk” about acceptance, inclusion, tolerance, kindness, respect – that they have been hearing from adults for 15 years means nothing in comparison to these few moments, with a real individual, who openly and honestly shares his story.
This video isn’t just a reminder to us to be grateful for all we have, but a reminder to me, that young people, when given a chance, can become ambassadors for a kinder, more accepting future.
For more about this amazing young man and his story visit http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/
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Annie Fox’s blog this week titled “My Child? A Bully?” reminds us all that bullying is present and pervasive. It is troubling to consider that any one of us could be raising, fostering, or housing a bully, in spite of everything we do to raise caring, respectful, compassionate human beings.
Although this is a difficult conversation to have, and an even more difficult idea to consider, it’s worth braving the murky waters of bullying to better understand how we can influence our children in positive ways.
Annie shares a quick bullet list that provides insight and challenges us to look deeper into ourselves and our family dynamics.
Here is the list taken directly from the article.
Hints that your child may be a bully:
- You or your partner is a bully.
- Your child is bossy at home.
- Your child’s closest friends are not the nicest people.
- Your child makes rude comments about other people.
Click on the link below and read the entire article. It’s worth it, even if you are certain, you are not living with a bully.
My Child? A Bully? by Annie Fox
Look for part II on Tuesday, July 20th!
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Here are a few articles that elicited responses from me which included: “no s… sherlock”, “Get me a chastity belt!”, “Wish I was one of the cameramen”.
Lets start with something uplifting.
Why Teenagers Are Growing Up So Slowly Today
–By Po Bronson
I loved this article. It supports a major theme that Parenting On Track™ has been teaching for years. The idea that we are doing our teenagers a complete disservice when we insulate them from the real world. Imagine if you started inviting kids to participate in their own lives when they were young. Imagine the teen and young adult they would grow into. Imagine the relationship you could have with this child of yours. From experience, let me just say – its awesome.
“Allen has concluded that our urge to protect teenagers from real life – because we don’t think they’re ready yet – has tragically backfired. By insulating them from adult-like work, adult social relationships, and adult consequences, we have only delayed their development. We have made it harder for them to grow up. Maybe even made it impossible to grow up on time.”
From uplifting to jaw dropping!
Grind Dancing Grind
–By Jane Esselstyn
I just wasn’t prepared for this. I should have been, but I wasn’t.
“The overt sexism and postural domination inherent to grind dancing are overlooked by many students, however, some are horrified by it.”
From horror to humor.
Families’ Every Fuss, Archived and Analyzed
–Benedict Carey
I hope to hear more about this documentary in the coming months. I think a show on REAL parenting would crush the competition of “reality tv”. I commend these parents for participating. I’m not sure I would have agreed.
“This is the richest, most detailed, most complete database of middle-class family living in the world,” said Thomas S. Weisner, a professor of anthropology at U.C.L.A. who was not involved in the research. “What it does is hold up a mirror to people. They laugh. They cringe. It shows us life as it is actually lived.”
And finally
Taylor Mali: What teachers make
So enjoy this final clip – a clip I find refreshing, touching, uplifting and light. You just can’t NOT love Ted. There is so much good stuff on that channel that there is no longer an excuse to dwell in the dinginess of life unless you CHOOSE to reside there.
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Her shoulders were hunched, legs curled up under her. The chair swiveled back and forth and the pencil in her hand tapped against the corner of the desk. Her eyes locked on something just above the computer screen.
And then the sigh. A long deep, discouraged sigh.
This was how I found my daughter the other evening as she was doing her homework. It was 10:15 pm. Late for her. She’s the child who learned in the 2nd grade that doing homework after 6pm is difficult. Her optimum time is at 5am. Now a high school student, she no longer has the luxury of closing the books at 6pm.
I pulled up a chair and asked if she needed a hug. She turned and looked at me and the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. My heart broke. I scooped her up, put her on my lap and rocked her.
Over the next 30 minutes we talked about her assignment and before long her fingers were humming across the keyboard again.
My daughter was able to rebound quickly, in part, because the assignment included work by my favorite author, Anna Quindlen. I think my animation and excitement for the subject revitalized her and suddenly the material she was struggling with, came alive and began to make sense in a very personal way. That’s one of the things that draws me to Quindlen’s writing.
I decided to pull up an article written by Quindlen last year titled, “A Teachable Moment.”
If you’ve never read her work before, I encourage you to take a few moments and read the article. If you like what you read, check out her new website and treat yourself to one of her books. You won’t be disappointed.
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I received this via email a few days ago and thought it would be fun to share. I love this cute, silly and delightfully honest look at parenting.
If it had been presented this way, I’m not sure any of us would have done it!!!!
Enjoy! Vicki
POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $100.00 or more.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 kmph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best. but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this: you pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18, because of the assumption that passing matric will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.*
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, to let them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do…or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
And then send them to Parenting On Track. We can help with the on the job training and support you as you transfer some of those responsibilities over to your kids!! Thanks for all of your support! Hope this made you chuckle.
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Looking to support Parenting On Track™ but not sure how?
Well, you don’t have to leverage your house, your families or your kids and throw yourself knee deep in the business, like Jennifer and I have done.
Join our campaign to change the world, one family at a time by creating amazingly, wonderful, out-of-this-world relationships between parents and their kids. Simply tell your friends about us, share your experiences, and send your friends to our site.
All the information they need to make an informed decision about the program is there. From videos to blogs, testimonials and samples of each chapter, along with personal information about me and my family.
We created a quality product that has already won international acclaim. We made access to the information easy and fast. We made ordering and shipping FREE and easy.
So if the Parenting On Track™ program is making a difference in your life and the life of your family, share the good news.
Join us in the movement to raise responsible, capable, cooperative, courageous, resilient children- these our the leaders- these children are our future.
Thank you and be well,
Vicki
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The emails started coming in as soon as the article hit the internet. Along with the link came personal messages ranging from mild frustration to complete outrage.
It took me several hours to finally get to the article in the Burlington Free Press. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t that surprised by most of what I read. Oh, I was upset to be sure, but not surprised. I’ve read 1000’s of articles just like this one in the 20 years I have been teaching.
I did do a bit of research on PBS and I suspect that there is more to this program than what was reported in this article.
The part of this article I found profoundly disturbing was this -
“The approach is succeeding for many reasons, starting perhaps, with human nature. “I think children really in their hearts want to please adults,” Knopf said. “They want to know that they are doing a good job, they want to be recognized when they are doing a good job.”
I could not imagine why an entire school would institute a program that left children at greater risk of being manipulated and exploited by predators all for the sake of “less discipline problems”.
As the mother of 5, I can not imagine anything more dangerous than for an entire school to be training children how to “please adults”. I don’t know any child who can distinguish the adults who have the child’s best interest at heart and the adults who view children as prey.
Here are a few points to consider:
- If this system works for the teachers in the classroom, would it not work equally as well for the predators within the school?
- What will happen to these kids who have been indoctrinated with this system when they step into the real world?
- Does the school think that at some point the kids will understand that no one else will praise, compliment or reward them for doing what is expected of them and that really this was a trick, to “get” kids to behave?
- Will these kids be trained to demand rewards each time they do as they are told, or follow the rules? At what point is this school going to adequately prepare these children for the real world – or isn’t that their job?
I shudder to think of all the ramifications of this program. In light of all the research based studies suggesting that praise is a danger to children on so many levels, it seems irresponsible, at best, for this school to be instituting something that is clearly a “quick-fix” strategy and is motivated, so it seems, by numbers instead of real lives.
In my Parenting On Track™ program we outline the dangers of Praise and offer a more substantial, long-term, fulfilling way to acknowledge children’s strengths and character traits. Encouragement helps children develop self-confidence, self-esteem and a clear understanding of who they are in the world and what choices they can make to support who they “be”, not who someone wants them to “be”.
Watch Video Sample from Chapter 7 of my Parenting On Track™ program.
For more information about the dangers of praise:
How Not to Talk to Your Kids, By Po Bronson
Punished By Rewards, Alfie Kohn
Five Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job, Alfie Kohn
For more information about my Parenting On Track™ program that teaches you how to help your child develop a strong sense of self and supports you as you identify what it will take for YOUR child to be encouraged and to participate in life, visit: http://www.parentingontrack.com/program/details.
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A special Thank You to all the parents who turned out for a special 5 hour workshop I presented in Hanover, NH over the weekend.
We touched on the key components of each of the 12 Chapters of the Parenting On Track™ Home Program. Catha Lamm (from Flockmother fame) shared her own personal stories and we had just enough time to tackle of few of the most common challenges.
This was an inspiring, giving, gracious group and I want to say Thank You to each of them for making this a memorable day for me.
A special shout out to Cindy and Bruce Pierce for providing the most incredible lodging experience. Check them out at www.pierceinn.com
Posted in What's New
This week I gave a 2 hour presentation to a wonderful group of parents – 120 of them to be exact at the Hinesburg Community School. I am always so excited to speak in front of a live audience. So Thank you to Kelli Brown for spearheading the event and getting the word out to so many parents in Chittenden County, Addison County and beyond.
I can feel people when I am in the front of the room.
Presenting allows me a chance to connect. I can feel the people whose hearts are cracking open and the skeptics that are holding tight to their worn out, tired beliefs. I can feel the doubt, the possibility and the hope. I can feel the love each and every one of these parents has for their kids.
Sometimes, most times, the presentations are a hit. People go crazy for the information and are counting the days before I am back in their community and teaching the highly acclaimed 6 week Parenting On Track™ program. But I am not teaching that program any longer. I am making the shift from live weekly classes to offering a hard hitting, power packed, top of the line multi-media experience.
Why? Because for years folks have been telling me two things.
- They keep attending classes, year after year, because they need a refresher. I understand this. It’s why I teach. I need to be reminded of my decision to parent in this very intentional way. It goes against popular culture so re-committing each year is imperative for me. This is a way of “being” not just some hippy-dippy parenting program that will be out of style in 20 minutes. Good Lord, it’s already been around for over 100 years (remember, it’s not mine, it’s Adler’s). Parent’ tell me, they need a refresher. If I stop teaching, how will they get a refresher. Problem solved – bring me home!
- Parent’s have been sharing their experience in the class with friends and relatives across the nation and those poor folks have never had access to the program. Well now they do.
Online Members’ Forum
The best part of this program though is that I am with every single person who purchases the Multi-Media Program for a year, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 365 days, I am there through the members online forum.
I sit down at my computer every morning at around 6:30 with a cup of tea or coffee. I open the forum and I read what parents are saying, what they are asking me and I respond. I talk to these parents. Every day. Without fail.
It is the equivalent of one on one coaching with a 20 year parenting veteran, any time of day on any topic. The only requirement, buy the program and do the program so that we speak the same language. Does it get any better than that? Not for me it doesn’t.
I love, love, LOVE this part of my job. I feel honored and grateful that parents invite me into their lives and that we can work together to create the families they dream of.
Thank You
So thank you. Thank you to the parents who took the time last week (and every time I speak) to come out for the events. Thank you to all my friends who showed up and shared their stories with me and told me that if I needed testimonials they would stand up and give them. Thank you to the skeptics and the supporters and everyone in between. Thank you.
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