Teens and Tweens are Delicious!
I love teenagers and I am deeply offended when they get a bad wrap. Over the last couple of days I’ve either watched, listened to or read some inspiring and positive remarks about teen girls and teens in general. Here they are. Let’s support those individuals who also appreciate kids who just happen to be tweens and teens.
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1. Anne Curry of the Today Show, interviews Sarah Palin, Psychiatrist Dr. Janet Taylor, who is the mother of four girls and author Haley Kilpatrick in a discussion on the difficulties of raising successful young women, the development of self-confidence and the role of the family. Watch the interview.
2. 5 Minutes for Mom contributor, Jennifer Donovan applauds Melinda Rainey Thompsons book, I’ve Had It Up To Hear With Teenagers and her endorsement for life with teens that is full of adventure, fun, aha moments and humor. Read her review of the book or order it like I did.
3. And finally, from Charlotte Latvala from Parenting.com, “The 6 Best Things About Tweens.” Her post is witty, poignant and reminds me why I so loved having 5 teens in the house all the same time. Beyond that, she leverages several other experts and provides resources to parents of teens who want to enjoy this exciting, mysterious and always engaging time of life. Here are some excerpts from her blog from contributing experts:
Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D., author of The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go. “Enjoy the changes and be aware that she is entering a new phase — don’t expect the same old behavior.”
“It’s simply less physically exhausting to be the parent of a tween,” says Jen Singer of Kinnelon, NJ, the creator of Mommasaid.net, a parenting humor and advice website, and mom of Nicholas, 12, and Christopher, 11. “My kids make their own lunches and their own beds. They’re self-cleaning. When we go skiing, I don’t have to run down the slope holding them in a harness. The day-to-day stuff is much easier.”
Celebrate each new task your kids can do, and get over any guilt you have that you’re slacking off by letting them take on more, says educator Annie Fox, author of the Middle School Confidential series. “Some parents mistakenly equate dependence with love,” she says. “They feel that ‘if he doesn’t need me, he doesn’t love me.’ But do you really want to be cutting your kid’s sandwiches when he’s thirty?”
The next time you are tempted to trash a teen, talk to someone who enjoys theirs – like me. You’ll be introduced to a side of teenagerhood that often times goes unnoticed. Oh, and just for the record, your style of parenting is 90% responsible for whether you enjoy or dread life with your tween so maybe you want to consider investing in a style that will make life enjoyable for all of you.
Learn more about or Register for the upcoming Adolescent Class in Middlebury, VT at Middlebury College.
Posted in Parenting Strategies
The Secret Formula for Understanding your Child’s Behavior
In the last month, I have been answering more questions than usual via our private Parenting On Track Forum, emails, Skype messages and phone calls that sound something like this:
Parent: “My 5 year old is impossible these days. He is totally out of control, teasing his sister and refusing to do anything I ask him to do. What is going on with him?”
Me: Hmmmm. I have no idea. He sounds discouraged.
Parent: “My 7 year old has begun acting out at school. The teacher is very concerned and when I try and talk to her she covers her ears and runs away. I need to know what’s going on so I can help her but I don’t know how to get her to talk to me. What should I do?”
Me. Hmmmm. She sounds really discouraged.
Parent: My 10 year old refuses to get himself up in the morning, even though he can and has for several years. He refuses to do his homework and it doesn’t matter what I try, he turns it into a fight, stomps away, calls me names and then slams the door. I can’t just let him sleep in or not make him do his homework? What should I do?”
Me. Hmmmmm. No idea, but he sounds discouraged to me.
I urge parents to use the formula I teach to gather the information that will allow me to help them create an intentional and encouraging plan to deal with their child’s discouraged behavior and attitude.
1. Identify the behavior that you find “troubling” and write it down as if you were a scientist or objective observer. Example: That 3 year old keeps pushing her dish off the table. That 5 year old keeps throwing Lego’s at his brother. That 9 year old is yelling at his mother.
2. Identify how you FEEL about what is happening. Example: I am annoyed when I see the plate fly off of the table. I am hurt when I see my 5 year old throw things at his sibling. I am pissed when my 9 year old yells at me.
3. Identify how you generally REACT to the behavior (it’s being fueled by your feelings). Example: I start nagging and lecturing and trying to get my child to stop throwing the dish on the floor. I try and show my child just how hurtful his behavior is by hurting him in some small way, like throwing all his Lego’s away. I show my 9 year old that I can yell louder by yelling at him not to yell at me.
4. Based on your feelings and confirmed by your actions, you then guess what the Mistaken Behavior is: Attention, Power, Revenge, Avoidance.
This is the formula. If it were being used, the emails I receive would sound more like this.
Parent: My 3 year old keeps throwing her plate off the table. I feel annoyed and frustrated and I start nagging her, which tells me that the Mistaken Goal is Attention. Any thoughts?
Me: You bet. Start by making connections that have nothing to do with the plate that flies off the table. When the plate flies, this indicates she is done with the meal. Remove her from the table by saying with a firm and kind voice and attitude, “I see you are done. I am still eating. I will see you when I have finished”, and continue eating. Show encouragement by not caving when she comes and tries to sit on your lap. Reinforce that she has made a choice and you respect her choices. If need be, take your meal to another room to finish. During other times of the day, find ways to connect and begin inviting her to do more around meal preparation. Make sure she feels a part of dinner conversation, but not the entertainment for the meal.
Parent: My 5 year old throws Lego’s at his younger brother. I feel hurt and disappointed since no one has ever treated him like this, but then I go and hurt him by taking all the Lego’s and threatening to throw them away. I think the mistaken goal is Revenge. Any thoughts?
Me: You bet. First, as tempting as it is to “teach the lesson”, refrain. This child already feels hurt. Take a few days and watch the words you use, the attitude you convey and even the thoughts you carry with you about this child. Are you focused more on his strengths or on all the ways you must correct his behavior. Does he know he matters to you? Do you ask for his help, ask for his opinion and ask for her thoughts on things that concern the entire family? Are your expectations realistic or are you waiting for perfection. Do you notice progress and improvement? Are you showing appreciation for WHO he is, not what he does on a regular basis.
I’m sure you get it by now. It’s a system. If you aren’t yet using this simple, effective, powerful system to understand your child and implement strategies that build strength, awareness, courage and maintain everyone’s dignity and respect, then I encourage you to try it.
Parents continue to ask me “what my secret is?” and I keep telling them that it is no secret at all, it is a system that works to help me identify my child’s mistaken goal of behavior and set about using strategies that encourage her, connect with her and show faith in her so that she might choose another way to interact with me and the rest of the world.
So take some time and see if you can capture what’s really going on. I bet by the time you finish the exercise you won’t need to send me an email and if you do, well, that’s okay. My guess is that YOU are in need of a little encouragement yourself. We all do from time to time and I am here.
Posted in Parenting Strategies
IEP – Individual Encouragement Plan
I attended a conference many years ago given by Dr. Al Milliren titled “What to Do When They Make Your Hair Hurt – A Brain-Friendly Discipline Model for Responding to (Mis)behavior.”
It was excellent. At the time I was speaking regularly at In-Services and I was looking for ways to inspire educators to give Adler a “try in the classroom”.
So much of what Dr. Milliren presented that day was meaningful and relevant to anyone working with students, but one idea he offered was of particular interest to me.
When he threw up the slide Developing an “IEP” – “Individualized Encouragement Plan” I was immediately intrigued. This idea, more than other I heard that day stood out as something I believed any teacher, or for that matter any person working with kids could embrace and implement with ease and confidence.
A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Discouraged children act out and they act out in an attempt to find their place within the group in useless ways. These children do not require correction they require encouragement. And the idea that every child, whether they are misbehaving or not, deserves a personal Individualized Encouragement Plan suggested that we as the adults in their lives, could inspire and influence in inspiring and powerful ways.
Lets play the “Imagine This” game:
- Imagine how your view of a child might change if you developed and “IEP” that highlighted the child’s strengths, assets, and unique talents and not their useless and challenging behaviors.
- Imagine how different your relationship would be with this child if your focus and energy where towards implementing your IEP instead of on correcting the child during your time together.
- Imagine how much more open and receptive he would be to your assistance and guidance as he grew and developed.
- Imagine how you might communicate in more open, honest, reflective and respectful ways if you were using the IEP to guide the conversation.
- Imagine how she might begin to experience herself as you brought more and more attention to her strengths, assets and unique talents.
- Imagine how much more open minded, flexible, responsive and courageous he might be after days, weeks and months of your constant and consistent application of your specially designed Individualized Encouragement Plan.
- Imagine a world, filled with encouraged boys and girls who felt empowered to participate in life in meaningful, engaged, and useful ways, all because you took the time to replace the “IEP”.
Thanks Dr. Milliren. This refreshing idea couldn’t come at a better time.
Al Milliren, Ed.D., N.C.C., B.C.P.C., is Associate Professor of Psychology and Counseling and Team Leader for the School Counseling program at Governors State University in University Park, IL. He also serves as adjunct faculty for the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, is Board Certified in Professional Counseling, and holds the Diplomate in the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology. Al has been a junior high school counselor and teacher, an elementary school counselor, and a Professor of Counseling at Illinois State University and at the University of Texas of the Permian Basin. He is a national and international workshop presenter and has authored or co-authored several books and numerous articles on Adlerian Psychology and related topics. (A good friend to, and member of, NECAP, Al has also written or co-written prefaces to books by Bob Herrmann-Keeling, web master of this site.)
Posted in Teachers Perspective
Freedom to Roam
When I was growing up in Southern California, my fondest memories were of roaming the streets of the neighborhood unencumbered by adult supervision – or so I thought. There was a group of kids ranging in age from two to fourteen. I remember, at the ripe old age of five, riding my bike, playing cards stuck in the spokes with clothes pins, making that click-click-click sound that made me feel like I was riding through the sky. Riding next to me was a neighbor girl five years older on her Schwinn with her small dog packed neatly into a pink basket on the front of her bike. I remember the sense of freedom, independence, and how powerful I felt knowing that I could ride from one end of our block to the other, as fast as I could go and never worry about a car coming down the road. We flew through the streets on bikes on skateboards on roller skates and anything else we could get to move.
Oftentimes one of the older kids would ride their bike and pull one of us younger kids behind them on our skateboards. No helmets, no gloves, no knee pads, no gear at all. Just the shrieks and giggles of children completely captivated and entranced in the moment. It never occurred to any one of us that we should be concerned for our safety. We were outrageously courageous and foolish.
We traveled through backyards, hopping fences, climbing trees, staging circus acts on someone’s old, rusty swing set. We dug in sandboxes and made mud pies that we lined up and pretended to sell to anyone passing our “stand”. We picked ripe oranges, grapefruits and avocados from our neighbors small orchard and gorged until we were sick to our tummies. We ducked into neighboring homes to use a bathroom or grab a quick glass of water.
Our parents had created a system, a perfect system for allowing their children to believe that they were completely free and on their own while still maintaining the safety of the neighborhood. How did they do it? A parent planted at one end of the street and one at the other end of the street ensuring that no car could get by and no child could escape unseen. It was a perfect balance of freedom with order, carefully crafted and orchestrated by loving mothers who found pleasure in visiting with each other instead of hovering around their children. It was a win-win for everyone.
But times have changed, or so it seems. Now more than ever parents hover cautiously around their children, doing their best to prevent a physical injury or worse yet an abduction.
Recently though I witnessed a new kind of freedom with order demonstrated at the Mad River Glen ski lodge. Our good friends K and S invited us to join them at the lodge and listen to some music with them. We accepted and because we were joining them in the “bar”, we mistakenly assumed that it would be occupied by adults only. When we arrived the place was packed. And I mean wall to wall people packed – people of all ages. As it turned out, this is a family affair. When my husband and I arrived we were greeted by giggles, hugs and kisses from three of our favorite small children – T. S. and Z.
They showed us to the table where their parents were sitting with several other parents and their kids. We pulled up chairs ordered a beer and enjoyed the music.
After just a few minutes, I noticed that all three of the children were MIA. I grabbed K’s shirt, looked her in the eye, ready to deliver disastrous news, and informed her that the kids were “missing”. She giggled at me. Then she pulled me aside and said:
“Do you remember telling me about growing up in your neighborhood in California?”
“Yes!” I said, “But what does that have to do with missing children?”
She explained, “I wanted that for my kids. I wanted them to be able to run around and be with older kids and learn to be observant and to check in with us and then go on their little mini adventures. I wanted a community that would look out for our kids and we would look out for theirs, without interfering with their freedom and fun, and that is what we have done here. I know exactly where the kids are. Look.”
She pointed out the window and there they were. Properly dressed for the weather, in the company of kids five years their senior (which meant the oldest was 12), hiking up the mountain with sleds in tow.
“Your story inspired S. and I to find a community where we could make this a reality for our kids, and we did it,” she told me.
I enjoyed the music that late afternoon, but what I enjoyed even more was watching these three little munchkins run in and out, check in with their folks, connect with kids of all ages and enjoy the adventure that comes from being young and free.
I encourage all of you to create that safe neighborhood somewhere in your child’s life and give them a chance to roam free, engage in adventures and connect to the world around them. It is possible to obtain that balance of freedom with order if you are open to finding it.
Posted in Invest In The Best
Springtime Gardening Tip
As we start thinking forward to sunny days in spring and new growth, it’s a good time to stop and plant a few mental seeds that will lead to a big, lush garden of positive family poppies. It’s one of my all-time favorite sayings and I’m throwing it out there again now as a friendly reminder (feel free to print the little image and stick it on your fridge!)
In order to get what we want (cooperation, respect, independence, manners, and so on) we MUST NOT focus on the pesky, annoying behaviors our kids display from time to time. These behaviors or “weeds” are all the things we find distasteful, aggravating, mysterious and that we want to be rid of once and for all. Remember that they grow bigger and beefier whenever we say, “stop this” “don’t do that” “how many times have I told you to…..”, and so forth. The more we try to kill off the negative stuff, the deeper the roots grow and the hardier it becomes.
The point here is to imagine all those behaviors you admire and want to see more of as roses and poppies and daisies and colorful tulips. Water those, notice them. Tend to them. Encourage them. Every time you start to correct, remind, nag and so forth, you’re tipping the watering can onto the weeds, instead of watering the pretty flowers right in front of you. That is the only way the “weeds” will eventually die. You can pluck all you want, but if the roots are there and you’re spilling sweet water on them, they will return. By watering what you want to flourish, you will change the relationship and watch the “weeds” disappear.
Posted in Parenting Strategies
The Proper Way of Training Children
“The Proper Way of Training Children is Identical with the Proper way of Treating Fellow Human Beings.” -Rudolf Dreikurs
It’s so simple isn’t it? This one quote, sums up for all of us, how to go about raising our children. And yet, any of us who are raising kids knows just how illusive this approach is.
Take a minute now, and think about one or two small shifts you could make today, that would be more in line with what Dr. Dreikurs is suggesting.
I remember posting this quote on my fridge when my oldest daughter was three. I used it as my “true north”, to guide my parenting decisions. I remember questioning myself on a daily basis for the first year or two. Was I treating her too much like an adult? Could she understand why I was making some of the decisions I was making? Didn’t she need constant direction from me?
Over time though, I found the deeper meaning of Dreikurs words and realized, at least for me, that he was talking more about adopting an attitude of respect, cooperation, and genuine interest than in applying techniques for raising compliant, well mannered kids. It was about remaining flexible, open-minded and responsive vs. reactive as a parent. It pointed the way towards a dynamic, lively way of being in relationship with the kids, not a static one that demanded only one “right” way of handling a situation or behavior.
His quote also helped me recognize that it was about becoming more aware. More aware of myself in situations that triggered strong emotions – positive or negative and how those emotions influenced the way I handled the situation. More aware of whether I was speaking and behaving in ways that suggested I was talking to a respected peer versus a small child, and more aware of how my actions and words influenced my child and the relationship we were building together. It was easy to see that when I tried to exert force over my daughter, she responded in exactly the same way an adult would. She revolted, through a temper tantrum, tried to push me away. Exactly the kind of reaction I could expect if I tried to overpower my best friend.
When I began to understand the real significance of this quote, it shaped my parenting approach and allowed me to focus more intentionally on the relationship I was building with the kids and not get distracted by pesky behaviors that cropped up from time to time. His words gave me the courage to take responsibility for my thoughts and behaviors, attitudes and beliefs and while I was busy tending to my over-active brain, I found that I interfered less with my kids and that seemed to bring out the best in them.
As I spent more time tending to my own misguided thinking I developed a deep sense of faith in myself and in my kids and the more I internalized his words, the more deeply I felt that faith grow. Faith turned into confidence and confidence allowed me to take risks, think outside the box, turn away from the “tsk-tsks” and hairy eyeballs I received from on-lookers and focus on what was most important to me. And what was most important, was raising children who would one day, make the world a better place as the result of participating in it from the time they could barely reach the counter.
I invite you to take a minute – right now, and think about one or two small shifts you could make today, that would be more in line with what Dr. Dreikurs is suggesting.
Posted in Discovery
Quit your Job
You’re Not the Maid Again, Are You? Just Checking!
Hey folks. I know, spring fever is upon us. Vacations. Traveling. Cabin Fever. Messy Houses. This can make us all feel like we are literally going stir crazy. I remember being inside with five children during many Vermont winters. It takes every ounce of energy to keep things moving and not get hung up on squabbles and the biggest of these springtime stresses – the messy house. There are boots everywhere, jackets, toys from the days off, mud, dog hair, three different coats for each kid, because the weather keeps changing and more mud.
If you can remember what matters and keep your mantra to stay out of that maid uniform and focus on quality time together, you will all benefit in the end.
Let that bathroom get toothpaste coated and let your kids hear a friend say, “wow, your sink is grungy” because then they will realize people notice. If you march up there and say, “well friends are coming, I’ll just do it for them.” Then you’ve just roped yourself into their business and now it becomes yours.
Expect your kids to do the jobs they pick at Family Meeting, EVEN if it takes longer or they have no laundry in their drawers. Kids are brilliant and they will figure something out if they want to go play next door.
Don’t think you can let it go? The biggest trick to NOT being the maid is to give yourself permission to step out. It’s okay to say, “not my problem” and step back and give your kids room to figure it out in their own. Of course you can help if they need something, but you have to be willing to detach your identity as a good mother from the state of your house. It’s just not the case.
In fact, think of some of the most inspiring people you’ve ever been around. Did they have spotless houses or creative messes because they were out being a part of the world? Maybe you don’t even know what their homes looked like and so what does that tell you? It does not matter. No, it doesn’t.
Yes, organization is nice and shiny floors look good, but if the kids are checked out, there’s no value to the system. So, in short, stick with it and again, give yourself permission to let the house go and take that time with your kids to learn on their own. It gives your room to stay emotionally available, rested, relaxed and on top of your game.
How do you want your kids to remember you? As the best director, reminder, nagger, picker-up-afterer on the block or their biggest champion and teacher?
Hang up that apron and get a cup of coffee, would ya??
Posted in Parenting Strategies
All Aboard!
We’ve spent the last three blogs cracking open what it looks like when we’re tripped up as parents and seemingly headed in the opposite direction of our goals. We identified what trips us up, what it looks like and ultimately where we’d hope this train leads in the end for our families and our children.
If you take your chart (CLICK HERE to get caught up) and look at it for a minute, you’ll probably recognize that #3, the reason or goal of the situation, is generally immediate. We’re parenting on the wrong track in the wrong direction, because we slip out of big picture mode. We lose track of the final stop on the line (see column #4).
Look at the columns, side by side and see if the goal or the reason why you’re parenting from the wrong track is in line with what you ultimately want for your child down the road. Do they work together or do they run in opposite directions?
For example, if you are a control freak (like I once was, so I get it) and you’re constantly nagging and micromanaging, is it in line with a goal in column #4? If there are words like independent, observant, resilient, thinking kid, leader, and so on, you’ll see that every time you parent for the immediate solution, (by overriding their ability to make decisions, stopping a mess up, or preventing them from forgetting things) then you’re not supporting the end goal. Over time, you can see that while you want to be headed toward all those long-term goals, you’re not really on the right train.
So, get off at the next stop. Double check your map. Decide which end platform you’d like your child to set foot on at age 18.
Use this information to then think before you flip the switch to travel in the wrong direction. If you can think of it like this, it may help: as a parent EVERY action (not just the big ones, all the little ones) you take either MOVE YOU TOWARD or AWAY FROM that end goal.
Knowing this, each time you opt NOT to yell or correct or save the kids becomes easier and clearer. Practice will give you the mental muscle to make a conscious choice to stay off that tripped up track (even if it gets messy on the RIGHT track) and in the end, get you to a place you and your child can enjoy.
Posted in Parenting Strategies
Pitstop: The Train Station
Where do you want this train to end up?
So, now we’re taking a moment to stand on the platform and look at the map. Inbound and outbound trains all over the wall. Destinations at every end. What is your route? Where do you want to go? Now is the time to pause and draw your own map.
Imagine that at the end of the line, your child is 18. What words would you like to see your child embrace, embody, employ when he steps off the track and into the real world? How are you doing? Are you headed in the right direction? Are you on course? Is it time to readjust or as the GPS voice says recalculate?
Write the words that describe what you really want for your child down at the end. Do it for each one of your children, as you’re probably in a different place with each child and each one of your children has different strengths to build on.
The goals can be anything: Independence. Responsibility. Social Awareness. Community. Confidence. Individuality. Judgement. Caring and Empathy. Decision Making. ANYTHING.
Think about this. What do you really want for your children, beyond being on time for school, or picking up backpacks, or completing contributions before company comes, or hanging up coats, or saying thank you to the neighbor for the ride. Is your current parenting strategy focusing more on where you are going or getting your kids to do what you want in the moment instead?
Take your time and discover what you want and next week – once you have identified where you are going – we’ll talk about what it will take to get there.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tripped up and Off Track
We all know what it looks and feels like when the family is running smoothly and the path is clear and smooth, pointing towards our destination. People are agreeable, things are happening with little drama or resistance or argument. If feels good, people are generally happy and there’s not a whole lot of anything specific going on to get in the way of the daily grind. Life is just cruising and you can find the time to think, “I like this. This is how I imagined family life and raising kids would be.”
However, when we get tripped up as parents, or when our track of smooth daily life takes a turn—suddenly we find ourselves caught in a battle of wits, a cycle of ineffective discipline, or a rush to get out of the door—we start to do some very obvious and specific things to try to get “back on track.” We try SO hard to correct the list of bad behaviors and focus on “how it should be” that we turn on the switch for all kinds of parenting tactics that may or may not make sense, be healthy for you or your family, or get you anywhere close to “happyville”.
Still, when the family starts to veer a little left, it’s as if the driver flips the switches and it’s go time. You were cruising along and “bam”, something happens and you’re – YELLING. Bribing. Controlling. Snapping. Demanding. Rushing. Shushing. Hushing. Brushing (RIGHT NOW WE HAVE TO GO!). We just open up and let it fly. Do you have this? Don’t say that. Why did you do THAT? I told you so. We just turn the headlights onto what’s going wrong, and temporarily bypass the gut-check that says, this might not be helpful, but I’m gonna say it anyway!
Suddenly, you find yourself thirteen miles from where you started. You may have solved the problem at the moment, but you expect it might return tomorrow, or in an hour, and so you brace for it. And then, when you find yourself one hundred miles down the track, you admit. I’m headed in the wrong direction!
When you’re parenting from this place, the one where you’re act exactly like you want to (and also, the way you don’t want your kids to behave), even though you know it’s not really going to work for the long haul, it is here that you are – tripped up. You recognize that things are feeling out of control or that you aren’t connected with your kids. This is the place where you reach in your pocket and grab your go-to strategies (see your list from last post).
Instead of these go-to strategies, now is the time to hit the brakes. After all, a derailed train will likely end in some form of train wreck. That’s only exciting in Hollywood, and we all know, this ain’t the movies!
Okay, so you’ve hit the brakes right? You’re like Denzel Washington and the cute young gentleman in Unstoppable. You’ve done it. You stopped your mind and you recognize that you’re pulling ineffective tactics from your pocket. You realize the yelling or the bribing or the micro-managing or the dictating isn’t exactly working and now ask yourself;
WHY DO I DO THIS?
Be totally honest. After 20 years of parent education, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess the answer will be something like,
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“Because my kids need to stop what they are doing.”
“Because we have to be on time.”
“Because what my kids are doing is embarrassing me”
“Because it won’t get done right or sometimes done at all.”
“Because my kids need to learn a lesson.”
“Because my kids can’t get away with what they are doing.”
“Because I know best.”
“Because that’s how it’s done. “
Great. Now take a moment to PRINT this chart. Go back and fill in the first three boxes. Leave the fourth one blank. We’ll get to that on Friday.
For today, focus on the question: HOW DO I JUSTIFY STAYING ON THIS TRACK? Is it convenience, status, order, time management, and so on. Parents everywhere know they’re using strategies they don’t like and want to change, but in the end, in the face of opposition from a youngster, they go right back to it. Write it down. Think about it. Write it down again and think about it some more. On Friday we’ll take a moment to identify long term goals for your kids and consider how doing what you are doing today is keeping your entire family “off track”.
Posted in Parenting Strategies