Here we go again . . . the 2009 holiday season has not officially begun, but can’t you just feel the excitement rising? The holiday ads are on TV, kids are talking about what they want, and everyone is starting to make plans for parties, outings and visits to see friends and relatives.

For some of us, the idea of all the visiting and traveling we will be doing is a little bit more stressful than for others. Questions like—“Will the kids behave?”; “How do we discipline them in front of our friends/relatives?”; “What do we do if they can’t sit still for the long car, train or plane ride?”—are being heard all over the place and will most likely increasingly be the subject of parenting bloggers and twitterers alike.

If you do an internet search on traveling with children, you will probably find lots of sites on what to pack, games to bring along, and helpful hints on ways to make the trip/visit a little easier in practical ways. But there really isn’t a lot of information on what to do “in the moment.” You know, that moment when your child is running up and down the aisles or screaming non-stop on a crowded airplane; or when your child is melting down at Grandma’s house because it just isn’t the right cheese and cracker; or when your child takes the present from Uncle Joe and instead of saying thank you, says “Is that all I’m getting?” or “I don’t like it.”

Moments like these are going to happen because, frankly, our children aren’t perfect. And it’s time that we stop expecting them to perform perfectly during the holiday season, when we are more stressed than usual, kids are tired and excited all at the same time, and we are pushing the limits of their coping skills with all of the shopping, traveling and visiting we’re doing. What matters most is not if our children behave perfectly, it’s how we respond to them when they don’t.

It is often overlooked that our response to our children’s behavior is so often the thing that makes it either go away or causes us to slide further down that slippery slope into the rabbit hole. If we give in to the whining, try to yell or bribe them back to good behavior, or embarrass them with a forced thank you, it will surely backfire either then and there or at some later point. So what is a parent to do?

Here are just a few ideas:

• Lower your expectations. It’s ok if the children aren’t perfect. Give yourself some space to relax.
• Have conversations ahead of time about what it means to behave well at a party, on a plane, or wherever you will be. Ask the kids to help generate a list of expectations for their behavior.
• Give them examples of kindness and gratitude every day with appreciations—you’ll be surprised at how much they learn by modeling, and it’s never too late to start.
• Take your cues from the kids: Are they tired? Then leave the party early. Are they bored? Then find out how they would like to spend the hour layover in the airport.
• When you find yourself in one of those “moments,” confronted with a child who is acting other than you would like, try distraction. Do whatever it takes to move them away from the moment or the thing they are melting down about, and worry about what caused it later.

If you invite your children into the process of deciding for themselves how they want to behave, how they would like to spend the long hours in the car, or what it means to be grateful for something, then you will find that those tough moments become fewer and farther between. And when you are in the moment—do your best to relax and try to get out of the situation with distraction and re-direction, so that you can enjoy yourself and leave the 2009 holiday season with good memories.

For more information on traveling with children, see our article “Traveling with Toddlers” or start preparing your kids and yourselves for the 2010 Holiday Season and invest in the Parenting On Track™ Home Program today!