I’m not sure when small children became something that needed fixing. Personally, I don’t believe that any child is broken. Their behavior might be problematic and their intentions with their behavior might be mistaken—but they certainly aren’t broken. Not only that, but I think most parents I know want to get away from (or avoid altogether) reacting to problems as they arise and move to avoiding them in the first place.

If I just described you, you aren’t alone—and I have some good news. You can avoid problematic behavior in your house, and you can do it today. I could list for you a whole host of things that you can do today to steer your family clear of problems, but instead I am going to give you just one—an easy one. Connect with your kids over the positive things they do.

Sounds easy, right? It might be easier said than done, and here’s what I mean by that. Watch yourself for a few days, and try to notice how often you connect with your kids over the negative or problematic things they do and how many times you connect over the positive things they do. I think you will find that you, like so many busy parents today, are quicker to point out what they are doing wrong than what they are doing right. You do this because you think that by pointing it out, you will get rid of the behavior. Guess what? Just the opposite happens.

Most children just want attention and to connect with their parents. When we give them attention over mistaken behavior, we are giving them what they want, and they will do more of it to get our attention. So I am asking you to turn that around and start to give more of your attention to the positive things they do. Shower them with it!

Here are some examples:

• Thanks for making your bed today—it is so helpful to me when you contribute to keeping the house clean.
• I see you are playing with your brother—I really appreciate it when you two spend time together doing something you both enjoy.
• I really enjoy going to the market with you.
• You got a high mark on that homework assignment—your hard work certainly seems to have paid off.
• Would you join me in ________________ (you fill in the blank); I could really use your help.

Connecting with our kids over the positive things they do and the way we feel about them is one of the easiest (and most rewarding) things you can start doing today. I guarantee positive results!

For additional information check out the Parenting On Track™ Home Program.