The Shocking Truth About Praise
Do you believe that good parents praise their children?
When your child wins a game, draws a picture, or comes home with an A on her report card, what do you say? What are you thinking?
Are you like so many other parents who are in the habit of responding with words like “Good job,” “Nice work,” or “I am so proud of you” without considering how these words will impact your child’s developing self-esteem and self-confidence?
A Different Perspective
A few years ago, there was an article in New York Magazine by Po Bronson titled “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise” that raised some interesting points. Consider this:
- Did you know that telling your children how smart they are and offering praise often leads to under achievement?
- Did you ever make the connection between rewarding your child too frequently and his or her level of persistence when rewards are not present?
- How about the notion that persistence is also an unconscious response in the brain that intervenes when there is no immediate reward?
Now that you know
- How will you change your response?
- What will it take for you to become more creative in your use of language?
- How will you ask questions that encourage your children to self-evaluate?
- What observations could you make that would support your child as he learns new skills and faces new challenges?
- How much discipline will it take for you to resist giving your opinion?
- Armed with this new information, what choices will you make for you and your children?
Read the article and tell us what you think. If you know what you would do differently today, please take a moment and share your thoughts with us.
If the list above seems daunting & you have no idea HOW you will change your habitual and intentional praise, go back and re-visit Chapter 7, The Art of Encouragement in our Multi -Media Home Program.View sample from Chapter 7 click here!
Posted in Discovery
Loved the article and absolutely agree! I try VERY hard to help my kids take a look at past successes and not-so-great-successes by asking them facilitative questions. Both my husband and I have learned the hard way with out first one (whom we turned into a praise junkie) – and have had to re-structure how we give our kids feedback. We often will ask open ended questions – “what happened?” “Do you know why you did well/not well?” – helping our kids discover their own thoughts and feelings about themselves.
For instance, both of my sons performed this weekend in a voice recital. My youngest had his first solo in front of a group and did a phenomenal job after working VERY VERY HARD preparing for the performance! As we looked at the video, I asked him: “What do you see? What do you notice? What do you like? What would you change? What would you do differently next time?” –
He is very proud of the fact that he did it…. and has a whole bunch of things he’d like to work on for his next performance. He also realized the value in drilling and drilling the verses – because he realized as he watched himself that he didn’t have to think about the words while he performed… they were just there.
Great information and article! thanks for sharing